What Language Do You Speak?

In a growing multi-cultural society, communicating with understanding is becoming a challenging issue. We are all experiencing the growing challenge of understanding those who speak a different language. This is true even between married couples.

Have you ever thought as you are trying to communicate with your mate, “What language are you speaking?” Men and women speak a different language. Experts in marriage (is there really such a thing?) tell us that one of the biggest issues that usher conflict into a marriage is a breakdown in communication.

The irony is that communication is to marriage what water is to a plant - it is life-giving. Without the necessary water, a plant will shrivel up and eventually die. It’s just that simple, and this simple principle needs to be applied in marriage.

If it’s that simple, why does it seem so complicated? It’s because men and women don’t speak the same language. In the majority of marriages, men speak a language that comes from the head while women tend to speak a language that comes from the heart. Add to this that some studies show that the average woman speaks roughly 25,000 words a day, while the average man speaks only 12,500.

From a women’s perspective, it’s this need for emotional connection that causes them to fuel an industry that in this country alone, more than ten million romance novels will be purchased. Ninety-seven percent of them will be purchased by women. Men, don’t miss this. As much as it may not be your first language, your partner needs you to learn how to speak from the heart - even if it’s not smooth. You don’t have to be fluent. The mere effort will score you huge points toward winning at the communication game.

Ladies, in the same way, lean into learning the language of your man. Understand that his mind drives most of his communication. Projects and accomplishment often outweigh his focus over relationships. Don’t beat him up over that. Instead, you should leverage it. Show interest in what he’s doing and applaud him for his accomplishments. When a man and a woman learn to appreciate the other’s way of thinking and communicating, a connection happens. It’s the beginning step toward developing a language that makes sense to both of you.

Learning to communicate with your mate will prove to be a lifelong venture. It’s part of learning how to love each other. The more we lean into understanding our mate, the more we lean into each other. Don’t become frustrated if it doesn’t come right away. It’s just part of your journey together.

God made man and woman complex beings with a desire to know each other and experience the strengths that each possesses. Learn to speak the language of your mate and be prepared to experience the oneness that God desires for you in your marriage. What language do you speak? Strive toward the language that communicates love.

Learn more at www.newlifeonline.com or follow Steve Lingenfelter on Twitter, @stevOLL.

*reprinted from the Peoria Times